These masters of Fengshui, Mathematics, Fitness and Hacking have cracked the code to predicting football matches. Or so they say. Believe them at your own risk.

Our overqualified tipsters use unorthodox
methods to make EPL predictions.

Seventh month is over. Which means the Saints will banish the Red Devils back to hell

Aug 30

Underappreciated Sheffield United players will run out of steam against Chelsea

Aug 30

A2 + B2 = C2, so take Liverpool to defeat Burnley easily

Aug 30

Spurs are spending all their time searching for Kane, so take Arsenal to roll over them

Aug 30

David Luiz is spending all his time pranking Mustafi, so take Liverpool to beat Arsenal

Aug 23

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Ederson's new look will scare the living hell out of Bournemouth

Aug 23

Zaha’s new forehead line indicates Crystal Palace won’t lose to Man United

Aug 23

Spurs will beat Newcastle due to their numerical advantage

Aug 23

Man Utd are still celebrating their opening weekend win, so expect them to falter against Wolves

Aug 16

Man City will lose to Spurs because Otamendi skipped leg day

Aug 16

Buoyed by the Brown Dog Wind, Liverpool will blow Southampton away

Aug 16

Chelsea to beat Leicester because Lampard has fewer strands of white hair than Rodgers

Aug 16

Maguire's huge forehead represents hardship, so take Chelsea to win against United

Aug 08

Newcastle signings have no idea who their manager is, so take Arsenal to win

Aug 08

Man City’s big-spending ways will be their downfall against West Ham

Aug 08

Perfectly sculpted Salah will gobble up Canaries for breakfast

Aug 08

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